


Feelings

by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel



Series: Supernatural Comment-fic Collection [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, commentfic, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-03
Updated: 2011-08-03
Packaged: 2017-10-22 04:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/233644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel/pseuds/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anna once told Dean Angels can't feel. She was dead wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> _This takes place during season 5, but refers to events from season 4._

  


* * *

  


  
Anael, Castiel knows, once told Dean that angels can't feel.

Castiel tries not to read Dean's mind too much, but sometimes Dean thinks so loudly that Castiel cannot help but hear.

The image of Anael, human and Graceless, her eyes big and solemn and her hair shining in the light had flitted across Dean's mind as he had met Castiel's eyes, vivid and accompanied by a flicker of sound.

_I mean it. Every emotion, Dean, even the bad ones... It's why I fell. It's why... Why I'd give anything not to have to go back. Anything._

_...how's that possible? You guys are powerful and perfect. You don't doubt yourselves or God or anything._

_Perfect... Like a marble statue. Cold... No choice... Only obedience._

The flash of memory was gone almost as quickly as it had appeared, and Dean glanced away, still talking.

Powerful, emotionless, unthinkingly obedient - that is the picture that Anael painted for Dean.

It is also a lie.

 

Castiel has always experienced emotion, satisfaction, irritation, determination, the occasional doubt, attachment, loyalty, but since he has come to Earth - since he has met _Dean_ \- his emotional range has broadened exponentially.

Dean is steadfast and infuriatingly stubborn and disrespectful, caring and intelligent and many, many other things that are inextricably tangled with Castiel's emotions. Castiel has a list in his head, _Things that are Dean,_ and it never stops growing.

Every time Castiel sees Dean's green eyes glow with an amused smile, or his eyebrows draw together in annoyance, listens to Dean working on a case or sees him righteously vanquishing the things that he hunts, Castiel's heart... _flips_.

It is a discomforting sensation, inexplicable and strange, and it is just as likely to happen when Dean is bickering with his brother as when he is facing down angels over the fate of the world.

Sometimes, when Dean is angry and upset, all that Castiel wants is to soothe his distress and hold him close and safe, until the desire to do so is almost overwhelming.

It takes an effort to fight it off, and Castiel finds refuge in impatience and irritability - most of it genuine, because Dean is needlessly stubborn and deliberately antagonistic, and as all humans is annoyingly slow. He is preoccupied with trivialities, to the point where Castiel sometimes almost wishes to smite him for it.

But at the same time Castiel would not wish for Dean to lose these characteristics, because perplexingly, Castiel is as fond of them as he is infuriated.

Castiel has found his existence taken over by _feelings_ , huge and human and complicated, and there is nothing that he can do about them. He has given up everything that has had meaning to him, all for Dean, and yet somehow, it is worth it.

It is frightening and wonderful and terrible, and Castiel does not know what to do with it.

 

"Anna was not entirely truthful," Castiel tells Dean, finally.

Dean glances sideways.

"Yeah?"

Castiel gazes into the distance.

"Angels are as capable of feeling as humans," he says. "It is merely that angels experience them differently, and that sentimentality is discouraged by Heaven."

Dean is silent for a moment, before he gently claps a hand on Castiel's shoulder.

"Yeah. I know, Cas."

Castiel hopes that he truly does.


End file.
